It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
