i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
