Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
