I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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