The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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