i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
