Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
