I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
