tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
