so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
