my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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