Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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