yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
