I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
