I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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