I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
