Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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