Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
