Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
