I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
