Where is the hickey?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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