My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
