Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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