I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
