There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
