If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
