were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
