you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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