Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
