I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
