the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
