I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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