I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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