mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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