I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
