this just has baby written all over it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
