Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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