Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize