it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Boobs speak an international language.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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