I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
