omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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