I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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