Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
