Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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