I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
