I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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