Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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