I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
be right there i have to get my cape
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize