the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
