Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
