After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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