so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
