If that was your dad, he is hot
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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