Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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