The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
