can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
