i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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