tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
