this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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