Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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