what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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