I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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