Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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