So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
