I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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