I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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