ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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