Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
