And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
